Stone On The Water

Morning Planet Earth,

Isn’t it interesting how a single phone call can shatter your very existence?  That happened to me this morning. My Grandmother passed away last night, very suddenly. Sure, she had been in a home because she broke her hip, but doctors said outside of the hip she was very healthy. I guess it still is in that state of not making sense at this point.

Ironically enough, this happens a couple days after the greatest weekend of my life. Now I’m left here at a lost, I still feel good about my weekend, but now I feel guilty, like I should just be feeling absolutely awful. I’m just very confused, and more so, like I said, it’s as if it hasn’t hit me yet.

I guess I also feel guilty in the fact I had her for a long time, she wasn’t the youngest person to ever pass away, she was 89, had a very long life. I guess that’s useless justification. She was strong, and quite hard headed, she lived on her own nearly to the end.

What I feel most guilty about though is the fact I didn’t go see her as often as I would of liked in the hospital, always pushing it off, and now, well I guess I can’t do that anymore.

It’s this really odd place of knowing all you have left is your parents, I mean, they don’t have someone to go to for advice anymore. Sure, they still have friends and siblings, but it’s not the same.

So I leave this rather sombre post with the fact that I miss you Gram, I’ll always love you, and you’ll always be in my heart. You had more of an impact on this young man then you could ever know. Thank you for everything you did for me.

EMC2

Don’t You Trust Me?

Evening Planet Earth,

Yes, an evening post, something that seems to be rather rare from my behalf. I suppose the mood hit me correctly this evening.

I just happened to finish watching a screener of Fanboys, and without giving anything away, the film is just astonishing. A definite must see, just trust me on this one. There’s one thing I know, and that’s movies.

I’m also currently crushing on a certain someone, she’s rather awesome, and she’s into me as well. Date on wednesday, do I hope for some greatness to happen? naw. Just let it flow. This is the new Edwin, playing it cool… kind of.

So on a much more positive note, I’m out.

Sincerely yours,

-EMC32

Beautiful

Morning Planet Earth,

Our dialect seems to be fairly morning oriented lately, it’s just the only time I have time to write this, and still have some kind of inspiration to say something, because later on my spirit will be too demolished for me to post.

I’ve been finding myself lately running around in circles, I just don’t seem to advance, just seem to be in this pseudo satisfied situation, and I get home too wiped to do anything. I don’t write anymore, I don’t study anymore, I fucking come home, lay around, eat, and go to sleep.

Now I suppose I should ask this, why would I want to stay in a situation where I’m just unmotivated to do anything and everything? I’m stressed, miserable, and most of all, have absolutely NO social life. I could be with someone, but work takes all my time. Work seems to do it on purpose, to give me awful fucking hours. I mean 9-10 hour shifts, how am I supposed to do anything with my life when I’m always working?

I’m tired of coming home everynight, and having to pick up the pieces that are left of me. I’m tired of waking up in the morning, and it being a chore. So I’ve got decisions to make. Quit a horrible job that pays immensely and take a chance, and just try to make it in my future career, or tough it out, with the possibility of finding me hanging by a rope.

Insincerely yours,

EMC2

California Love

Morning Planet Earth,

So here I am again, re-inventing myself. Some days you wake up, and you just feel different, and you know from now on, it’s different. Somethings that kept you up yesterday will help make you sleep tonight.

I came to the conclusion I will always love her, but that’s fine. It keeps me going, it keeps me human. It reminds me of the mistakes I’ve made, of where I went wrong, of where I got far too arrogant, It helps bring me down back to earth.  It’s helping keeping me humble. I know I’ll never get her back, but remembering the better days, knowing they’ll be back at some point keeps me going.

It opens up a whole new realm of possibilities and inspiration. I mean, I usually stop and think what to say, but today this is just flowing out of me. I feel sorry for the girl I dragged along for a couple of months, I mean, I can see what she meant by my ego and my arrogance. She put up with me 2 months longer than she should of.

Since I’m being sincere:

Sincerely yours,

EMC3

Until The End Of Time.

Morning planet earth,

It just seems to get easier to write to you, knowing no one is reading now, but one day everyone will. My life is a movie plot, and I’m telling you the ending before it happens.

A month or so ago, I mentioned this new girl, and how everything was going great, and then slowly went downhill. Well I guess I’ll give you an update. I completely lost all interest, and we are no longer even in contact. According to her blog posts, she’s fucking that other guy she talked to me about that I mentioned in a previous post of mine. Sounds like she’s falling for him, I suppose that’s what she wanted even though she told me differently.

Trust me when I say this, beware of girls who claim to love to fuck. It sounds like such a great ideal, however they all have such ridiculous issues. They may give this image of stability, and seem secure with themselves, but they are so insecure, they need to fuck everything that moves.

So where does this leave me with women? Nowhere really. I mean, who I thought would be the cure ended up being the disease. Don’t get me wrong, I love women physically, mentally though, I think I could do without them. I’m not saying girls are dumb, they are intelligent, just mentally, I don’t jive with them. To be fair, I don’t really jive with anyone mentally, not even myself.

Perhaps a series of one night stands is what the remedy is? I won’t really find out though.  God damn, I wish I didn’t give her that 101ers vinyl.

Insincerely yours,

-EMC2

The Prayer

Evening Planet Earth,

I should be doing laundry, but I think I can get by 1 more day without doing any laundry.  Instead I sit here, typing this, pouring my mind and soul out.

Ironically enough her best friend asked me yesterday if I’d ever take her back. I quickly knew the answer without thinking about it: “No”. I mean, I know that it’s completely done, I nothing her at this point. Of course, I can’t for sure say how I’d react if she did infact come back, but I like to think I’d strong enough to say no.

I guess there’s something I’ve never gotten into on this thing, and that is music. It’s such a huge passion of mine, you’d think I wouldn’t forget about such a thing. Outside of the titles of my posts, I haven’t mentioned music alot. So I suppose I’ll talk about what I’ve been into musically lately.

Well lately I’ve really been into Kid Cudi. Been listening to that a lot. Been listening to a lot of The Stills as well as a lot of Kanye West. I also just discovered a band called “Band Of Horses” and been digging them as well. I’ve been resorting to a lot of T.I. and sadly enough, I’m digging “If U Seek Amy”. I’ve also got a very special place in my heart for Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato.

As you can see, I try to listen to everything.

Insincerely yours,

EMC

Welcome To Heartbreak

Morning Planet Earth,

I write this in a half zombie state, I have fallen sick. When did I fall sick exactly? The day that I received the promotion at work of course. So since my last post, She’s deleted me off msn, and we both kind of officially kicked each other out of each others lives. It’s odd cause I was expecting a feeling of devastation but I was perfectly fine. Have been since as well.

Things are going great, life is getting in order, making even more money than before, and my career doesn’t seem too far away. My goals are getting fulfilled, I’m very pleased. More than anything, I’m losing weight like there’s no tomorrow, for several reasons, being sick being 1 but the others being I watch what I eat, and a far more active lifestyle.

I’ve also started my own work out regiment, that’s running up the stairs in my building over and over again until I’ve reached 50 floors… EVERYDAY! If that’s not commitment, I don’t know what is.

Anyways planet earth, I leave you today with a rather bright perspective. This is not the Edwin you knew months ago.

Insincerely,

EMC2 (2 standing for the new me.)

The Bachelor And The Bride

Afternoon planet earth,

Easter this year marks a very significant event for me:

It has now been a year since I last went to her house.

I just realized that now, seeing her appear online and the such and realizing that everything fell apart exactly a year ago.  Our love was over at this exact point last year, but we dragged it along for another few months, cause that’s how much we were into each other. We still couldn’t let go, and I’m sure apart of both of us still hasn’t.

I’m also writing my first post in months with inspiring news. First, I got a new job, this great awesome new job where I make loads of money, and after 3 weeks, am up for a major promotion.

Secondly, I’m getting to play with one of my idols a little hockey, it’s pretty inspiring that not only do I get to meet him, but he knows who I am, and I’m going to shoot some balls past him in June.

I’m coping with loss much better. Atleast loneliness can’t get lonelier. That is the bright side.

After watching a movie recently (”Yes Man” wasn’t great, but still interesting.) I realized most of my life is currently being wasted, and I’m wasting my life. I need to be far more outgoing, that’s the plan in the coming months. Have fun.

Till Next time planet earth

Insincerely yours,

EMC

July! July!

Evening Planet Earth,

It’s been months since our last encounter of the such. I suppose I’ve had a generally pleasant existance and had nothing to complain about, until now I suppose.

I’ve been seeing this girl that until this moment I thought was absolutely awesome. I mean, she was funny, sexy, intelligent, and the best of all, she had just a really original personality.

We both agreed to be in an open relationship, since that is what I wanted personally, and that is what I got. The problem is, tonight she began talking about this other guy she’s also seeing, and the way she feels about him, and it’s become quite apparant to me in my mind that I’m just the replacement. This has turned me so very off from the relationship that I don’t want to be in it anymore.

Here’s the bigger problem, she seems to really have become attached, saying she’s missed me and the shit. So this makes it very difficult on my behalf to just dump her now, especially since I told her she could tell me whatever was bothering her, and even told her I don’t mind about hearing her with another guy.

I’m not sure where this will lead, stay in tune.

-EMC

If We’re all alone, Aren’t We In This Together.

Early Morning Planet Earth,

Here I sit, 2:24 a.m. establishing a new dawn. I come back here often enough, proclaiming the new life discovery I’ve made, and it’ll change who I am. Well, I’m glad to say this night is officially the dawn of a new era.

After a night of Christmas Partying I was able to get rid of all my hang ups about women, I mean, all the hate and incomprehension of women is gone. Tonight opened up my eyes. Now the issue is this, having figured out women gives me this bad taste in my mouth, and makes me feel very unnattracted towards them.

I never understood really why my past relationship failed, and everyonce in a while I’d wonder if she misses me. After tonight I understand it all, we were young, what were we doing being so serious. The second part to that question is, yes, she does miss me. She may not particularly show it, or she may not even admit it, however I know in her deepest heart of hearts, she does.

It’s really this simple, no one ever gets up their first love, it’s that simple. No one will ever have a love as pure as that. There is no caution, there is no pride, all there is really dumb innocent love. Love that doesn’t know any better, it doesn’t have any road signs, so you improvise.

After losing that first love, and moving on, you will always be more cautious and never love, or be wanted like you were in that first relationship.

So I suppose I leave you in these parting words Planet Earth:

At all, and by any means necesary, make your first love work out. You will never experience anything like that ever again.

Insincerely yours,

Edwin McClain.